And one DWI, which was a bogus charge, cause it turns out they were stopping every driver, traveling down that particular sidewalk. Ron White: If you knew Morse code, you'd know that already. When I was seventeen, I was arrested for being drunk in.
Now, I told you that story, to tell you this story. Ron White: Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. There's a telegraph in Fritch, Texas, going: beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. There's some good news! Satellites are linking up in outer space. I made it to "woo!" Is that going to be close enough? It wasn't, so they called in for my arrest record. White, you are being charged with drunk in public-KA!" I was like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I was drunk in a bar! They, threw me into public-KA! I don't want to be drunk in public! I wanna be drunk in a bar, which is perfectly legal! Arrest them!" He didn't arrest them, instead he had me do a field sobriety check, where you stand on one foot, raise the other foot six inches off the ground, and count to thirty. And at that point, I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability. I refused to pay for it cause *we* broke it over *my* thigh. The police got called because we broke a chair on the way out, and I refused to pay for it. That's a handy little piece of information, right there. And then they squared off with me in the parking lot, and I backed down from the fight, cause I don't know how many of them it would have taken to whip my ass, but I knew how many they were going to use. He says, "You're outta here!" and I said, "I don't think so, Scooter!" And I was wrong. I weigh two hundred and thirty pounds, and this guy comes over, poking me in the shoulder. Now, I'm between six-one and six-six depending on which convenience store I'm leaving. I put the hat on, and he comes back over. About an hour later, I was drinking and I forgot. Anyway, I took off the hat, and he walked away. Gay people in this area wear hats we're tryin' to keep them out of our club!" Oh really? The only way we can tell down in Texas is if they have their hair cut like, yours. I walk into a bar and the bouncer comes over to me, real pissy, and goes, "Take off the hat!" I'm like, "What's the deal?" He goes, "I'll tell you what the deal is. They go home at night and watch Road House and fondle themselves. They hang out with other bouncers, talking about bouncing. Those big old New York bouncers that think about bouncing. Now, when I say I got thrown out of a bar, I don't mean someone asked me to leave, and we walked to the door together, and I said, "Bye everyone, I gotta go!" Six bouncers picked me up and hurled me out of that bar like I was a Frisbee.
Ron White: I got thrown out of a bar in New York City.